on newness

December 24, 2018

My sweet roomie moved out this week to pursue her dreams. 

 

It's the very definition of bittersweet. 

 

A few weeks ago, she found cheap flights to Chicago and we escaped for a long weekend to explore the so-called windy city and eat really good food. Our trip wasn't intended to be a going-away gift to me, or a gift to me in any sense of the word, but it was an extremely delicious and special cherry on top of a truly wonderful roommate-ship. 

 

Eug and I have been roommates almost continuously  for the last five years. We've shared a lot of ridiculousness, a lot of heartache and way more laughter than I think is fair for two people who co-habitate. We are the absolute definition of oil and water. Our Myers-Briggs are mirror images and while I made sure rent was paid and electricity flicked on every day, she would grocery shop, ensuring I always had supplies for Greek Salad and spare boxes of mac and cheese. It's was a wonderful little set-up we had nearly silently arranged. 

 

Eugenia doesn't know I'm writing this very personal, over-exposed virtual diary entry, by the way, so she will probably be very embarrassed to see it. But, I couldn't let this week or our roomie experiences end without paying tribute and saying thank you. 

 

For some reason, that trip to Chicago was just what I needed to feel a little more alright about the whole thing. A little more excited. A little more ready for the newness that I constantly crave but also shy away from. 

 

I always joke that one of my life purposes is to embarrass Eugenia. One night, a few weeks ago, riding the Red Line home for the evening, I made her laugh so hard she cried, so I think I'm doing my job. Now, I just get to find new ways to embarrass her as she no doubt goes on to cure cancer or something just as wild.

 

Change is scary. Eff, it's terrifying. While change is necessary for growth, it also makes me feel like a naked person in front of a crowd, and I can't say I'm a huge fan yet. Still, I have found that change for the best is usually impossibly difficult but always worth it. Change is usually bitter and mixed with a lot of sweetness - a lot of crying-laughing on the train and making growling noises while wearing a stocking on your head. Change is good even when it feels bad, and I'm ready for it. 

 

Well... ready mostly. 

 

Photos taken at Garfield Park Conservatory which is more than 100-years-old and a true marvel. Highly recommend visiting and donating if you have a chance to visit Chicago. 

 

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i'm sydney.

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This is my blog; a space for essays and stories that matter and ones that might not.

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